Am I in a mid life crisis?

I wanted a wife to love and build a family.

What is wrong?

Why so much doubt?

Who I am and who I wanted to be doesn’t jive with the person I’ve become

This isn’t a mid life crisis if I have had these questions and doubts for a long time now

uncertainty and ambivalent

What is it about me that is so contradicting to everyone else including myself?

How many people have I walked away from and not kept up with because of my fear of opening myself up to them?

Why don’t I care?

I am a husband and a father, where is my responsibility to them?

Why am I so alone and why do I keep fighting everything?

is it because I don’t accept situations that I think other people are wrong for accepting them? Why can I not accept them? What makes me right when I have been so wrong?

I made up and follow my own rules. It is easier to break or change them if they are mine. No accountability that way.

The first half of my life will not define the rest of it. My hesitation has been damaging to those around me and I accept responsibility for it

I got what I wanted but it was too much for me so I lost everything.

Maybe I did run away or maybe not. Maybe I left to find answers. Once I find the answers, can I go home?

Where is home?

%d bloggers like this: