Mindfulness

Being new to the state of mindfulness it’s easy to get the wrong idea from all the jargon I can find online. The internet will show me images of people at complete peace with the world and themselves by sitting still and meditating for a few minutes but that isn’t my reality. I think being mindful can be powerful and I look forward to practicing it as often as I can but I want to do so in a way that will benefit me, not a guru wannabe.

Practicing mindfulness is difficult. I can meditate and then I will get antsy, want to get up, want to go do something else, plan my day, go to work, or anything else but focus on what I really want to do. It is difficult but I think it is worth overcoming that.

I will start with meditation and feel good about myself. Then miss a few days. Start again. Miss a day and feel bad about it. But this same lack of discipline and practice is EXACTLY why I need to do this to begin with.

Mindfulness can be uncomfortable. There are times when I need to be alone with nothing but my thoughts and there are times when I do not need to be alone with those thoughts. No one wants to face their personal demons when all they are wanting is to relax their brain, right? Or sometimes there is an itch that must be scratched right now. And now. And now the other side needs scratching instead of focusing my brain. Or the low growl of a hunger pain is overriding meditative thoughts. Am I doing this right?

That’s another thing. I can practice a certain way only to be told that there is a better way and try that instead. Even though I have found personal success. Tune that out.

When I do manage to practice mindfulness I realize it isn’t a cure-all. It won’t magically solve problems. It does require you to open your heart and be vulnerable. To be compassionate towards yourself and others. It forces me to except things as they are not what I wish them to be. Mindfulness requires me to let go and to unlearn some of the wrong things that I have learned. And mindfulness requires that I be curious, persistent.

I will never ever have this figured out. But this is why they call it practice.

To paraphrase Buddha: